Eamon Dunphy Wes Hoolahan
International Irish Football

Eamon Dunphy unveils plans for ‘The Wes Hoolohan school for kids who can’t pass good’

Eamon Dunphy announced at a press gathering today that he intends to build the ‘Wes Hoolahan school for kids who can’t pass good’. The RTE pundit said that he was taking “extreme measures” to ensure that we’re not relying on “Glenn bloody Whelans” in the future. Dunphy’s optimistic plans include an opening date for the school in late-2018. Wes Hoolahan’s extend of involvement in the project is currently unconfirmed but Dunphy is looking at the school’s potential for positive change:

Football is beauty. The game has the power to bring us all together in celebration of admiring wonderful football played in the right way. Martin O’Neill has brought our national team to its knees and I feel it’s my obligation to step in and secure our footballing future with this school

“Just give the ball to Wes”

After Ireland’s World Cup qualifying campaign ended in a 5-1 home defeat to Denmark, many fans have questioned our rudimentary style of football. “Long balls and players not looking to receive a pass” are major problems, according to Dunphy. When asked why he chose the name ‘the Wes Hoolahan school for kids who can’t pass good’, Dunphy’s response was emphatic:

Irish children grow up worshiping their footballing idols in green. They then try to recreate what they see on the television. While kids in Portugal are practising stepovers and wee niños in Spain are trying tika-taka, our young lads are hoofing balls from one end of a park to the other. Wes Hoolohan is the Irish Xavi. We need more players like Wes. I chose the name as a symbol of footballing hope.

The Norwich playmaker was unavailable for comment but is understood to be perplexed at this development. While Hoolahan (35) is nearing the end of his playing time, it’s unclear whether he will play any part in the school in the future. Dunphy will be hoping that he can convince his favourite passer of the ball to pass his talents on to the next generation of playmakers.

Main Image: RTE

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