Jose Mourinho confirmed today that he has no regrets whatsoever about splashing out £75 million on the Belgium striker despite his goals drying up.
“Romelu is a whizz at getting tough stains out of our gear. Also the sandwiches he prepares for the lads before and after every game are worth every penny of the 75 mill. Gherkin and ham. Chicken pastrami. Delicious”
“No one gets my windshield as clean as Romelu,” Paul Pogba rushed to say. “He’s a joy to watch. A real pro.”
Marcus Rashford thinks Lukaku is one of the best investments the club has made.
“He brings us all milk and chocolate cookies he makes fresh himself every night. That’s worth at least 40 mill we all think”
“He really puts a smile on our faces. With his big apron and his warm hugs he’s always there to listen with a cup of tea.”
Lukaku is only too delighted to be earning his keep.
“When I see the looks in their little eyes when I bring them their socks freshly warmed from the microwave, I know I’m really making a difference.”
Following this revelation, Everton fans are suggesting their entire squad begins sweeping the roads and collecting bins to earn their transfer fees.