Premier League Uncategorized

Pep: I’m just a baldy Tony Pulis with a checkbook

“The secret to my success? Why it’s always managing the better team in a two team league.”

Pep Guardiola took time out from his busy schedule  to tell us about how to make it as the best manager in the biz.

“Firstly you need to be hired by the biggest club in the world as your first job. Make sure the club has a once in history generation of young players already developed by your predecessors.”

“I can’t stress this enough: have the best player of all time as your number ten. It really helps get you noticed. Then add a squad of guys like Ronaldinho, iniesta, Xavi, Henry and so on. Now watch the trophies roll in while you play Words with Friends on your phone.”

“When you get sick of winning European cups, use your reputation to land a job with one of the biggest sides in the world in a two team league in Germany where you can collect any player you want from any other side like fucking pokemon cards.”

“It’s so easy you can spend most of your time preparing speeches for managerial award ceremonies. ”

“Finally, when your players are getting too old to get past Juve in the semis, just jump ship to wherever the oil money is and start playing real life fantasy football.”

“To be honest I was told England was a two team league as well but when I realised the second team was our reserves I knew I’d done it again. It really is as simple as that. I just don’t know why everyone doesn’t do it.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve a manager of the month award to accept.”

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