Mourinho is angry
Man United

Premium Old Trafford tour to now include “five minute moan by Mourinho”

Man United fans visiting Old Trafford will now be given the opportunity to meet Mourinho in person. The “premium package” includes a five minute visit to the manager’s office, where Mourinho will moan about the various injustices Man United are currently suffering.

It’s understood that injuries to key players will be a recurring theme of Mourinho’s moan, while penalties not being given for United will be another hot topic. Fans will not be permitted to ask questions or talk during the five minute visit. Instead they must huddle around the manager’s desk in silence, allowing Mourinho to vent his frustrations at issues like the unfair fixture list and the media treatment of Lukaku.

The price of the premium package will set you back an additional 200 pounds. Tours will limit places to ten for each visit, ensuring Mourinho can give everyone his famous death stare. Taking photos or videos will also not be allowed on this part of the tour as the manager apparently doesn’t want to risk further sanctions by the F.A. Mourinho plans to spend many sessions berating referees and complaining that Fergie didn’t have this issue during his time.

Paid therapy

Tour attendees will know that their time is up when Mourinho finishes his moan and then points to the door. At this stage, the regular tour will recommence and the manager will go back to his daily duties. While United will make a decent earning from this new venture, the club also anticipates that their Portuguese boss will find the daily sessions therapeutic, and will perhaps stop him from attacking ex-United players and journalists.

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