Chelsea boss Antonio Conte was said to be relieved that his Manchester United opposite number Jose Mourinho kept proceedings dignified by only bringing up his 6 month ban for failure to report match fixing while managing Siena in Italy.
“It could have been so much worse,” the former Italy manager was heard to say to a colleague, running his fingers through his own luscious, shiny hair and gesturing upward with his eyes. “He might have pressed the nuclear button.”
Conte’s balding monk haircut was a feature of his playing days at Juventus but by the time he took over as manager of the club he had somehow grown long, resplendent locks, shimmering in the Italian sun.
Conte is reportedly researching old school photos of Mourinho when he might have been slightly overweight or stories of when he was friendzoned by a crush in his teens in case the situation reaches Defcon 1.
Failing that, he’s still waiting on a Facebook friend request confirmation from Marco Matterazzi to trawl back through old party photos tagged with Jose’s name.