Formula 1 Uncategorized

Tesla working on arrogant jerk self-driving car for F1

Owner of Tesla, Elon Musk announced today his company were fine tuning a self driving car to replace drivers in the 2019 F1 world championship.

“It’s essential the car fulfils everything the driver brings to the sport. So it will start every race weekend by leering at pit girls, complaining about its engine at press conferences and trying to dominate its team mate with petty mind games and passive aggressive remarks.”

“Fuck you”

The car will also be expected to argue with engineers over the radio, claim preferential strategy is being given to its team-mate and threaten to leave the team every winter unless it’s paid an obscene amount of money.

“The kind of entitled, privileged dick that makes a truly great driver will embody everything this car is about.” Said Musk.

“I clearly had the line, if he doesn’t back off it’s his fault.”

Early testing has proven a huge success with the car, provisionally called ‘Raikstappen’, burping at press conferences, forcing slower cars off the track and getting into arguments over Twitter about whose fault the collision was.

Models and pop stars have already been throwing themselves at the car and it has already been thrown out of one exclusive Berlin nightclub for antisocial behaviour.

Unlike a driver, however, the car will have no choice but to blame itself when it inevitably loses to Lewis Hamilton at the end of the year.

 

All images: nancorocks.deviantart.com

* Pollemma is a sports satire site. No sports people were harmed in the creation of this article.

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