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Alexis Sanchez officially signed by United according to Twitter randomer

Chilean star Alexis Sanchez has already been signed by Manchester United according to an official tweet by Twitter user @lukakushere.

The user, who has ‘insider knowledge of goings in behind closed doors at Manchester United’ and ‘knows members of the training staff’ has released an official statement via Twitter that the signing had already been completed and Sanchez was already looking forward to ‘sticking it to the f****ing blues.’

Image: the independent

“The deal’s already been done you heard it here first.” The random fan, whose avatar is a photo of  club legend Marcus Rashford, declared to his 1.2k followers. “Alexis will be unveiled today mark by words and thank me later.”

When questioned by puzzled followers @lukakushere retorted “listen I know like three guys working on the training pitch every day with the likes of Ashley Young and Lindelof and they say they’ve already seen him posing with a shirt and talking to Mourinho.”

When greeted with disbelief by other United fans, with tweets like “come off it mate you sad w****r” and “that’s what you told us about Ozil last summer”, @lukakushere strayed from the typical Manchester United official press releases hymn sheet by calling all his ‘haters’ a “shower of filthy doubting c**ts who would all see” and that he hoped they and their families all became infected with various terminal diseases.


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