Alexis Sanchez has told stunned reporters that Robin Van Persie has been working as his Public Relations guru. The Fenerbache striker is, according to the soon to be ex-Gunner, the perfect person to navigate through these sensitive times. Sanchez has infuriated Arsenal fans by delaying his decision to sign for one of their Premier League rivals.
Van Persie enraged Gunners fans when pushing through a transfer from Arsenal to Man United. This came after Wenger and the club stood by him through countless injuries. One good season later and the Dutchman packed his bags for Manchester. Sanchez will follow the same route and has now revealed the shocking appointment to the press.
Van Persie has been advising Sanchez on how to burn absolutely all bridges at the Emirates. According to our completely reliable source, the striker has told Sanchez to say things like “I’m only going to Manchester so I can actually win something, you know, like a league title. It’s no fun celebrating fourth place like lunatics every year”.
Big money move
Sanchez is currently deciding on whether he will join City or United. Van Persie has apparently advised him to take the extra cash on offer at the latter. Our increasingly unreliable source quoted Van Persie as saying “Mourinho will probably destroy your style of football, just look at Salah and De Bryne. However, it would be worth the pain just to see the outrage from Arsenal fans. Plus, you know, the cash”.
While the world has stopped caring abut which club Sanchez goes to, much like Eden Hazard’s “big reveal” a few years back, the Chilean winger is sending tweets and Facebook posts to Van Persie for pre-approval before going live. The social media announcement being prepared will apparently state the following: “I’m just so happy to be joining a club capable of winning real trophies and not getting embarrassed in Europe. Don’t worry Arsenal fans, I hear there’s a confused 17-year-old French starlet being convinced right now to replace me”.