Antonio Conte, Manager of the current Premier League Champions, took time out from his busy schedule today to make a heartfelt plea to punters about the struggles of a side ranked only 8th richest in the world.
“It has become impossible to financially compete with sides like Manchester City and Manchester United,” The 2017 winning manager said this week, from his training ground in West London, “it’s to much to expect us to win the league, with the meagre few coins we happen to be able to scrape together from the funding given to us by our Russian oligarch billionaire owner.”
Looking decidedly downcast, the Italian manager continued. “When you’re handicapped the way we are, only able to spend £60 million on the Spain number 9, or £40 million on Bakayoko. £37 million on a star like Danny Drinkwater. £15 mill on Ross Barkley. £35 million on Rudiger. £25 on Zappacosta. That’s only £212 million over the course of a season. You realise what it’s really like to struggle. Managers like Mourinho and Pep simply have no idea what it’s like. Wondering where the next £50 million is going to come from.”
Ranked one place below PSG on the football wealth list, Conte admits to finding it hard to get out of bed some days and face the reality of poverty.
“I won’t lie. You start to ask yourself what’s the point? I mean, sure we’ve won the league two out of the last three years, but people have no idea how hard that is on our pocketfull of rusty coins.”
“So we’re sending out a plea for donations today. Funding from morally questionable oil billionaires just doesn’t seem to count for a hill if beans in this crazy world any longer.”
“Donating £4 a month will help you sponsor a footballer. You can help pay his salary. Fund the gifts he lavishes on his wag. Watch him outgrow the team and, hopefully, engineer a lucrative move to Spain.”
“You’ll receive a nice little donor pack like this one. With a handwritten letter from your player. In this case it’s David Luiz. And he’s made a crayon drawing of his Bugatti, isn’t that nice?”
“For the price of a pint, you can guarantee these players futures. Help them out of the destitution cruel date has inflicted on them and really make a difference. Donate now.”
Feature image: bookmaker-info.com