Shocking news came announced from Liberty, the new owners of formula 1, hot on the heels of their controversial banning of the famed F1 ‘pit girls’ this week.
The announcement came through that the sport would also be going vegan, serving an all vegetable meal offering at all races and excluding all burgers and hot dog stalls from race circuits.
Drivers will now also be issued a speed limit, to reflect a culture of responsible and safe driving, and indicators to ensure everyone knows what to expect.
Pit stops will be performed with due care and attention and drivers will expected to take bathroom and nap breaks to stave off any dangerous issues develooing.
Not only that but in a desperate attempt to bring the sport up to date, organisers are replacing the national anthems played in the podium with the number one hit of that week in the UK being performed by Stormzy.
Not only this, but promoters have introduced new measures to make the sport far more appealing to modern TV viewers. Fans will now be able to text in votes during the race to vote out the drivers they find least entertaining. Then from the final three remaining drivers, Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Leona Lewis will choose who has the F1 factor and take the top step on the podium.
The audience can enjoy fifteen minutes cutaways featuring a selection of foul mouthed old ladies, chavs and mentally stunted landed Gentry watching and commenting on the race with their tea.
Of course, the sport will in the main still be dependent on the motor and oil industries as well as sponsorship from tobacco and alcohol companies. Oh and you’ll have to pay to watch it from next year.