Tributes were paid today at the announcement that beloved Arsenal mascot Gunnersaurus finally passed away after a short illness at his home in North London.
A familiar figure around both Highbury and the Emirates, Gunnersaurus finally succumbed to being hit by an asteroid, something doctors had warned him about for some time.
“It was only a matter of time before one of Lacazette’s misses re-entered the atmosphere and dinosaurs are always the most likely targets.”
The tragedy has opened up renewed speculation regarding the infamous ‘Gunnersaurus diaries’ in which the mascot supposedly speaks of his wild drug-addled youth in West London during the 80s and a secret homosexual affair with Spurs mascot Chirpy the Cockerel which lasted some 17 years behind his family’s back.
Chirpy has strenuously denied the stories despite numerous photos of the pair taking long walks together on Hampstead Heath.
Other mascots have come forward in support of the pair and the beauty of their star crossed love affair across the football barricades. Fred the Red went on the record as saying “I know what’s in the diaries are true and it’s a beautiful thing. It hurt Gunnersaurus greatly to have to lead his sham life. It’s the reason he took to the bottle so hard.”
Cyril the Swan was more interested in the work Gunnersaurus did outside of football. “He posed nude for Lucian Freud and also me when I was studying art at Goldsmiths. And he was a renowned raconteur and sharp shooter.”
Its the obscene interview Gunnersaurus had with Michael Parkinson in the late 90s that will linger most in fans minds however. Clearly heavily intoxicated, the mascot told a slew of highly inappropriate anecdotes and went on a lengthy rant against George Graham and the Scottish in general before having to be escorted off screen by security, shrieking profanities.
In latter years Gunnersaurus could be seen loping around north London on weekdays with his familiar Waitrose bags and bottle of own brand Irish Whiskey under his arm, yelling at passing buses.
He’s survived by a long suffering wife, three dinosaur juniors and an extended velociraptor family.
