1% class hero Riyad Mahrez has finally taken a stand for the oppressed minority the politically correct mainstream media never want to talk about: Premier league footballers.
”It’s too soon to compare me with the likes of Rosa Parks,” the midfielder said today “but it’s easy to see where the similarities lie. I too will not accept sitting at the back of the league table. I will not be forced to drink from a different fountain to the ones Manchester City players drink from and I demand my right to a full and complete football education from a coach like Guardiola.”
Mahrez declared also that he had a dream. That one day on the blue hills of Manchester he will be able to sit down at the table of brotherhood with Kevin de Bruyne.
“To this end I have adopted the actions of Ghandi and taken to expressing my plight and the plight of any footballer denied a January move to a team only weeks from winning the league through the means of passive resistance and nonviolent club disobedience.”
According to Mahrez, a spectre is haunting Europe. The spectre of stopping players hopping to better sides on a whim mid season. Footballers are born free but are everywhere in chains.
Issuing his statement from the rolled down window of his parked Bugatti, Mahrez grew increasingly emotional, raising his balled up gusts to the sky and letting the tears roll down his face.
“I must be the change I wish to see in the world, a Man City player. I want to wear a light blue shirt by any means necessary. I will play in the pocket behind Gabriel Jesus and Leroy Sane by any means necessary. I will have balls won for me by Fernandinho by any means necessary and I will raise the Champions league trophy on a far higher wage packet by any means necessary. Thank you.”
Featured image: daily mail