The North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un, has revealed that he has broken numerous Winter Olympic records including the javelin, shot put and high jump. None of these sports are recognised Winter Olympic events but North Korean’s foreign press department were full of admiration for their leader:
“Our glorious leader, Kim Jong Un, has been participating in a number of events to inspire our athletes. We can confirm that he has broken the following Winter Olympic records: javelin, shot put, triple jump, high jump, 100 metre sprint, 110 metre hurdles (in snowy conditions) and 8 metres cleared in the pole vault”
There were no independent adjudicators present and furthermore, all of the records allegedly broken are summer events. In this apparent show of bravado, it’s clear that the press department have missed a trick. North Korean’s press department made matters worse when they described in detail the heroic achievements of Kim Jong Un:
“On a very cold morning, our glorious leader braved the sun zero temperatures in his t-shirt and short shorts. Starting with the high jump, the supreme one leaped over a three metre bar before bouncing up and running immediately down to complete a 24 metre triple jump. The snow was now falling but our majestic god grabbed the pole vault and leaped over an eight metre bar. There were wild celebrations but our sensual one was not finished. Picking up a javelin and a shot put at the same time, both were thrown at least 140 metres. Kim Jong Un then donated his 15 goal medals to our national museum of sporting achievements”
When it was pointed out to the North Koreans that none of the events were part of the Winter Olympics, they released a statement saying they had just broken the world record for missile testing.