13 year old Josh Trabuck has been granted special dispensation by his mom to stay up like waaaaay past his bedtime so he can take part in the Olympic medal ceremony at this year’s Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea.
Young master Trabuck was described as ‘like totally stoked’ to be allowed skip his homework too in order to receive his gold medal. The tween sensation started snowboarding just 6 years ago but has already secured himself an EA Game deal, a line of Nike clothing and a cameo in a Netflix series about highly marketable young people who hit at least 7 of their 11 key audience demographics.
Josh’s mom also said he could skip bringing out the bins for a whole week if he brought home a medal in the freestyle category and he’d be allowed attend the town junior disco that weekend but only if his older brother is going to be there to keep an eye on him.
Speaking from beside his Nintendo switch, the Olympian, visibly sugared up on dr. Pepper and gummy worms, suggested listening to bands no one over 15 has ever heard of and playing Battlefront at 3am with unemployed Korean men were to thank for his sporting heroics.
His giggling mate, Kyle, later spilled the beans that Josh only took up snowboarding in the first place because Becky in his class wore her sisters K2 hoodie to school like twice and she almost already has a full rack. Plus Danny in French said he got to second base with her at camp which is totally a lie but Josh keeps writing her name in the snow with his iPhone X anyway.
Josh received a phone call from President Trump to honor his triumph but failed to pick up as ‘his mom doesn’t allow him take calls from strange men’