Irish capital Dublin has fought off bitter competition from Edinburgh and Seattle to host the first ever Rain Olympics, a global event the Irish President, Michael D Higgins called “the only opportunity we’ll ever have to host a global event.”
Featuring events such as
– Running for the bus
– The puddle jump
– The 100 Metre umbrella share
– The bus shelter huddle
The IOC president was clear about his commitment to the competition.
”The Winter Olympics have shown that niche, weather-based sports appeal to loads of People sat on couches late at night, mainly watching for how ridiculous the sport is or how likely the athlete is to get really badly hurt.
We believe Rain is the next frontier in global sport.”
World champion Upwind Rain Smoker, Clodagh Nevin from Tipperary, expressed how important it was to finally be recognised.
“If it wasn’t for Knowing how to smoke outside in the rain most of my life I would’ve arrived soaked through and angry to where I was going. It’s a fulcrum part of our cultural heritage and to see it finally recognised as an Olympic event means so much to people like me.”
Team event Rain-cycling has come under media spotlight recently for the bold move of some athletes introducing full Rain smocks and goggles and last years lifetime ban issued to Conor MacIntyre of Arbroath, Scotland after he tested positive for Ready Brek.
One of Ireland’s main hopes looks to be Claire Harrington of Bray in the ‘Pushing your way into the Luas’ Event.
“You wake up early every morning to train. You measure your diet and weights routine carefully and never miss a session. I want to be an inspiration to little girls everywhere that they too can brawl their way onto trams in the rain and win a medal doing it.”
Ireland won the bid because of how closely its cultural ties are with rain, rather than Edinburgh, which is more about shortbread and heroin and Seattle, which is more tied with tragic guitar suicides.
Sportswear company Nike are bringing out a whole new range of umbrellas and raincoats for the games and are confident the occasion is here to stay.
”Of course, you can play most sports in the rain, it’s just that they’re shite if you do. So we’re looking at all new events like the ‘Aldi bag burst’ and the ‘Slalom in and out of parked traffic with your head down and hands in your pockets’ to really kick things to life.”
The games will begin with a ceremonial extinguishing of the Olympic flame with water sprinklers and are likely to continue all fucking summer.
Image courtesy Dublin Live.