The ghostly spectre of long dead Busby Babe and Man United legend Duncan Edwards made an apparition at Old Trafford earlier today to complain about the attitude of the current crop of players and captain Paul Pogba in particular.
“Why have you travelled back from the afterlife Duncan?” One fan asked in astonishment. “What wisdom do you bring us?”
“These young players today with their dabbing and their aerobic health. Back in my day we wore boots weighing a kilo each and only pulled out of tackles to finish the full tar cigarettes we kept lit in ashtrays by the side of the pitch.”
“Don’t get me started about Pogba. The man never drank a pint of ale during a match in his life. You weren’t allowed play for Sir Matt unless you’d finished a side of lamb and had properly stoked your pipe so it stayed lit till the half time whistle. ”
“These fancy dans with their Nike this and Adidas that. Our shorts were beaten into shape from starched pig bladder. And so was the ball and the trophy and the half time meal.”
And what does the ghost of Duncan Edwards think of the Instagram culture rife in today’s game?
“If we were lucky we’d get a letter from our sweetheart back in the village soap factory every other Christmas telling us which of our brothers had died of TB. Back then winning the European cup meant you wouldn’t be sent back down the mine till the following morning. Them were great days I tell thee. ”
Mourinho retorted “he’s just jealous of Paul’s salary. ”