Manchester United have reached a settlement with David De Gea’s hands for the severe overtime abuses. In a landmark case, De Gea’s hands were the alleged victims in a systematic violation of standard working hours. A source within the club revealed that the star goalkeeper’s hands were continually overworked:
David is a great lad but let’s be honest here, his hands have been putting in too many long shifts. Most of the goalkeepers at top clubs in the league have an easy game here or there, but sure David, he’s flying around the six yard box like a deranged cat. Leaping up to the top corner to save with his fingertip before saving a blaster from 10 yards out. His hands look like something out of the Benjamin Button movie, you know, at the start when he’s an old man. Just like that. It’s no wonder the club has decided to pay off his hands
De Gea is officially the best goalkeeper in the Premier League and his number of saves to goal conceded ratio is always impressively high. Even Petr Cech at the Arsenal has a far more comfortable ride. De Gea, and in particular his hands, have suffered the most. The United Number 1 is apparently wearing ice-packs on his hands for the majority of each day, plus has spent thousands on pounds on Deep Heat spray. This horrid smell was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Our source revealed:
Davey has been spending a small fortune on Deep Heat spray. He also has dozens of the red tubes in his house and is also applying the stuff to his broken hands. The smell, oh sweet Jesus, the smell in his gaff is god awful. Even though it’s a mansion, the smell gets everywhere, and I mean everywhere.