Pollemma would like to issue a formal apology and retraction to Mr. Rafael Benitez of Newcastle England for our article of last week “Benitez sanctioned for wearing yellow protest ribbon at the closure of KFC”.
We realise, in retrospect, that in the mad rush to get the news to our readers sometimes counting the cost of a mans inalienable right to dignity can get lost.
Our reporting that Mr. Benitez was ready and willing to suffer an FA suspension when “So many local heroes were going without snack boxes, family boxes and zingers already” was grossly paraphrased.
The lone candle lit vigil we reported Benitez holding outside his local KFC branch where he wept publicly while strumming his flamenco guitar and singing Bob Dylan protest songs was a total fabrication.
The press conference we said Benitez called on the KFC closure didn’t happen either. And the Spaniard certainly didn’t rant and rave and shake his fist violently toward reporters shrieking that he never came back to this country thinking he would lose weight. There were no empty bottles of Newcastle brown ale rolling around the table and no one had edited together a wistful memorial video in black and white about the lack of fried chicken in Newcastle to the theme music from Schindler’s list.
The Newcastle manager never uttered the grossly inappropriate words “miss me with that gay shit” when a member of the press core suggested he might try a salad or bean based diet instead, as he wolfed down fistfuls of deep fried chicken and washed it down with Newcastle Brown Ale.
Suggestions we made that the side have been in a strict KFC diet since the Spaniard took over we’re speculative and the upturn in results since the KFC closure was, in retrospect, probably a coincidence.
A photograph purporting to show Mr. Benitez walled up behind bars constructed from deep fried chicken wings as he wiped away greasy tears with his yellow ribbon was doctored by our IT experts and in retrospect probably a poor reflection of actual events
We have retraced the article in question and donated all the profits we made from it to a jumbo family box for the poor.