Following on from Arsenal’s latest humiliation at the hands of Brighton & Hove Albion, the Arsenal board took a vote to think about giving the Frenchman just one last chance, but this time they really mean it.
Looking up briefly from their record breaking profit margins, Kroenke and Usmanov appeared almost uninterested in shaking things up even the least.
”I really don’t understand why the fans can’t see the bigger picture here,” Kroenke told the assembled press on his invitational Fox torture and murder afternoon over tea and crumpets, “I mean we’re making more money than most clubs in Europe. We’re the 6th richest club in the world, comfortably ahead of Chelsea, Spurs and even Paris Saint Germain. Why can’t the fans just forget about the all-important so called Premier League for just five minutes and just be happy for me. “
”Another coach is only going to come in here with dreams and plans and ideas and potential transfers and that’s hardly going t move us up the rich list from number 6 is it?” Usmanov, who is already suppressing this article as we write it, was heard to comment. “Also what is this Premier League of which you speak?”
News that defender Koscielny broke down and wept in front of his family when his son asked him why Arsenal were so bad drew Usmanov to lick his lips hungrily thinking of the £150,000 a week defender. “Nothing tastes sweeter to billionaires than the despair tears of the poor” He cackled,
Meanwhile Harvard business School has begun teaching a specialized course this semester entitled ‘The Wenger Method’ in which the employee keeps their comfortable position year on year by never excelling but always just doing enough not to get fired. Students are encouraged to work well within their limits, making sure to underperform at key moments and finish with a flying C grade.