England coach Eddie Jones moved swiftly today to apologise for comments he made at a promotional event for Mitsubishi’s parent company, Fuso. Speaking ‘off the cuff’ as he is often known to do, Jones, known throughout the sport and fitness community as ‘the before picture’ labelled Wales a ‘shit little place’ and Ireland ‘scummy’.
Jones, who has endured a long and difficult fight in his career since an early job as the baby on ‘Dinosaurs’ was quick to come out with an apology once his true feelings had been uploaded to Youtube, saying:
“I mean obviously I do think those things, but I would never wish to insult the Welsh or Irish, no matter how scummy or shitty they are. I would want to only be able to joke about those deeply held opinions over beers in private. “
A spokesman for the RFU who looks and sounds remarkably like Charles Dance from Game of Thrones was roused out of the daily afternoon brandy and cigar stupour he enjoys at his Gentleman’s club to clarify the organisation’s position on the comments.
“Let’s get one thing straight. The RFU owns rugby. If you scummy and shitty foreign types want to try your filthy hands at it, then chocks away. What what. But Damned if my father died on the shores of Brittany so anything other than an Englishman could.. something something” – vague grumbling through clenched teeth around a smouldering cigar – ” …and it was the best damned train service the Indian subcontinent ever enjoyed, why back in the days of…” – incomprehensible speech through a mouth swilling brandy through antique dentures – “… so I told her Harriet, because all the secretaries were women back then, Harriet you can’t possibly keep it…” – continues as reporter backs out of the room.
Commentators were quick to wonder whether this latest transgression suddenly surfacing was simply another way to place pressure on the Irish team ahead of the all important Grand Slam showdown in Twickenham on Saturday by stirring up heated and angry emotions in an opponent the way Jones has done before every single game throughout his entire career.
The jury’s out on that one.
Images Courtesy: Disney, The Radio Times and the Shropshire Star.
Disclaimer: Obviously none of these people ever said any of this. It’s just a joke website. Get it together.