Unai Emery was confirmed yesterday as the new manager of Arsenal. The board of the club expressed their delight at appointing another patsy to follow in the footsteps of Arsene Wenger. Arsenal’s directors issued a statement earlier today:
“We’re happy and relieved to have finally secured the services of our new scapegoat, Unai Emery. There were rumours that we would pick a less qualified candidate but that would have meant blame for us when he inevitably failed. By picking a three time Europa League winner with a fantastic pedigree, we will take the attention of our chronic lack of investment in the club”
The art of deflecting the blame
Mikel Arteta was reluctantly prepared to sacrifice himself on the mahogany alter of the Emirates boardroom, but was understandably ecstatic when a decision was made to look elsewhere. The ex-Gunner and Man City assistant manager expressed his relief:
“The Arsenal board interviewed me and talked about the need to never criticise them in public even when they bring in David Ngog on loan. There was also talk of building a stadium roof which would mean no money for transfers. They praised Arsene for stoically holding his tongue for over a decade.”
The Arsenal board will now spend the next month deciding how much they can increase their ticket prices for next season.
Photo by Ronnie Macdonald