Scenes at the Nou Camp as Iniesta chains himself to dressing room toilet
Andreas Iniesta has reacted badly to the inescapable fact that he’s played his last game for FC Barcelona by going through what some are calling a dramatic existential breakdown in a very public way.
Iniesta, an orphan who was left on the doorstep of the club as a baby and raised by a collective of ball boys, Hristo Stoichkov, Johan Cruyff and Frank Rijkard in the story three men and a baby was based on, has broken down when faced with life ‘on the outside ‘.
“What people don’t know is that Andreas lived in the locker room,” his erstwhile team mate xavi, who himself was bought from traveling gypsies as a baby, admitted to reporters. “He only left the grounds to go to away matches. He ate every meal in the canteen and spent his evenings gazing wistfully at the trophy cabinet. He was always going to take this hard.”
“Don’t make me go papa!” Iniesta shrieked to a poster of Pep Guardiola as security staff began sawing at the chains he’d wrapped around the u bend of the toilet. “I can adapt. I can play sweeper. Or in goal. What did I do?? What did I doooooo?”
The ex midfielder immediately escaped and fled into the Camp Nou pipe system. It’s said he still lurks there to this day and if you listen you can hear him sobbing softly during full moons