Children to starve to death because of Messi goal drought
MasterCard’s promise to feed 10,000 children in Latin America and the Caribbean every time Messi or Neymar score has already backfired horribly with hundreds of children going hungry because Messi missed a penalty against Iceland.
“At MasterCard we really felt he didn’t have enough pressure as it stood,” Said one brand spokesman , “with having a whole country’s hopes and dreams pinned on him, with it being his final chance to capture the one trophy which eludes him, with him being saddled with carrying an entire team of worthless mules, with a deadly rivalry with one of the all time greats who can’t stop scoring. Now children must also starve when he doesn’t score. We’re confident it’ll give him the extra spur he needs to really hit peak form.”
The children of one impoverished village had watched the game in tears, with empty food bowls, shivering from malnutrition, buzzards circling above waiting for them to drop. And drop they did. All of was relayed to Messi by live feed at half time on a screen in the dressing room.
Not to be outdone, VISA have decided to hide a series of bombs in various children’s hospitals around the world, and will detonate one for every 45 minutes Messi goes without scoring.
“We hope this added pressure will really help add to his performance.” A brand spokesman said, washing the C4 off his hands.
*this is a work of fiction and no brands or personages were harmed in its creation.