For a while now today’s society has been mirroring the 1980s. It’s no coincidence then that we should see Liverpool at the top of the English football league.
We can see the pattern everywhere:
The Tory party are in power with an Iron Lady fucking up British society.
Labor are led by an unelectable fool.
There’s a mentally retarded Republican President leading the free world.
Russia are the bad guys
Music is mainly keyboardy
Mass unemployment and lack of social mobility.
Loud garish tracksuits on every corner.
Everyone is working out like Jane Fonda.
Star Wars in the cinema.
Prawn sandwich eating families in royal boxes at games have been replaced by racists on terraces throwing bottles and knifing one another.
Cigarettes are cool again.
Racism and pollution are popular again.
leeds Utd resurgence.
And it’s only going to get worse if Liverpool win the league according to Professor Sam Barnum of Oxford University.
“We have entered what Stephen Hawking called an aggressive time loop. One in which history is repeating itself in bizarre loops. The central cause has been the advent of Liverpool football club. If they’re allowed win the league we can look forward to the return of Campbell’s meatballs, the Raleigh Street Wolf,
Being drunk on the job and whilst driving, mass popularity of snooker.
It’s all like someone pressed ‘reset’ on the games console and allowing the reds win the league can only accelerate the process.
Across the water, the LA Lakers are looking stronger than in decades and the Chicago Bears are enjoying a resurgence too. In short we are doomed to a new Cold War and mass despair. Unless one thing happens.
An angry Scottish man emerges from the highlands to fuck shit up.
Alex McLeish must take over as Man Utd manager.
His record may not be amazing but neither was Ferguson’s. He’s angry, looks like he works on the bins and has long mastered the hair dryer. What more do you want?
After a rough initial period we can expect a period of huge success for the club along with:
A smarmy Labour government which bolsters the UK economy.
A smarmy US president who accepts blow jobs from interns
Angry American music sung by unwashed long haired guitar kids
Garish pink tribal pattern bicycle shorts
Italian teams winning European cups.
Liverpool being shit and losing.
It may not seem like McLeish is the man for the job but put aside any reservations and just go with this.
We also need one Cantona style French player with a shit tone of attitude who plays by his own rules but really makes a difference even if he is probably a bit overrated … oh wait